Memes, Cringe and Lightening Mc Queen

Ok, ladies and gents! Since it seems like some of you are actually interested in what I have to say, I’ve decided to expand on my introduction  by telling you some random TRUE stories and see where it takes me. So, I’d say gather round the fire and let me tell you a tale or two.

Today I guess would be a good time to get you acquainted with the random cast of characters that will be showing up in these stories. For their sake, I won’t use their real names because I’m truly the kindest. Let’s start off with Jay. I can easily explain him in a nutshell with something that happened today. I managed to convince him he was colour blind by showing him different markers and saying they were different colours. I focused mainly on greens and browns and he still doesn’t know … We can see how that pans out together. Next on the chopping block would be Sam. Easily the most abusive and weird person I know. We also have so many inside jokes that I’m not really sure how half of them came about. Is that like an inside-inside joke? Anyway here’s an example of one. A six movie series with the first movie being called ‘We’re in a Jelly’. Steve Martin is the main actor. We even made out a movie poster for it.

Next, let’s deal with Reggie. I’m just going to tell you this. He got two concussions in the same week from trying to touch the ceiling of his shower. That’s all I’m going to say. Then there is Jim who is literally the bin of the group. A nice bin, though. What I mean is he’d eat absolutely anything that has come into contact with the floor despite how long it’s been there. He ate a piece of burned toast that was found in a highly pedestrianised passageway if that proves it to you. Then we have Fionn and all I can say is that he has a massive jaw and a cheeky smile that’ll give you a warning about an incoming punch. Last but not least, we have Greg who detests anything ‘memey’ [definition- anything slightly cringy for him]. Which leads me nicely onto the next bit.

The big divide. That’s all I can call it. On one side there’s the DWAY boys [or Christ it’s the Christmas boys… Obviously the Christmas variant] and OC. I happen to be the overlap between these two. Wow. This is confusing now that I’m talking about it. Anyway, one thing that unites us all is something we like to call ‘Top 10 goofs’. Before you ask, yes goof is being used ironically. This is a collection of ‘pranks’ if you can even call them that. It could really be anything and some get a bit out of hand. Which of course I will discuss. On top of goofs comes memes and VERY bad puns. Of course, this is where Lightening Mc Queen comes in. My worst joke. It just slipped out. So, Sam and I were talking about the ‘Serial Shitter’ or something along those lines [definition- some drunk dude who took a dump on some cars] and I did something I’m not proud of. I put a very piercing voice on and said ‘Hey guys, my name’s Lightning Mc Q- OH HE’S SHITTING ON ME’. As you can see the only correlation between these two things is that Lightening Mc Queen is a car. There was immediately a bad taste left in my mouth. I was immediately exiled for the rest of the day. And don’t get me started on Borat. Despite the fact that I’m a natural, ‘MY WIFE’ will become stale eventually.

Anyways, before my laptop becomes any hotter, I’ll take my leave. I’ll have a ‘proper’ story up tomorrow… Maybe we’ll learn a thing or two about Reggie or Jay.

~Matt